


Our devotion

by Marsllia



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-03-25 04:30:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13826517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsllia/pseuds/Marsllia
Summary: A continuation from where the film ends, starting with carols point of view after leaving therese at their restaurant meet. Follow Carol and therese's relationship through the harsh settings of 1950's New York City.





	1. Chapter 1

It was just approaching 7 o'clock on a Friday night. Each table was set for the evening guests, by this time of course few of which where unoccupied. The bar was full with the regular sight of men in suits, holding their hats in one hand and a delicately decorated glass of some kind of brown liquid in the other. Arguably the busiest time for the popular establishment, and the mummer of polite conversation amongst friends and associates just about overtook the harmonious music coming from the grand piano, sat in the centre of the room amongst the tables.

As carol made her way down the marble stairs towards the doors that would take her to the lobby of the hotel in which this hidden social hot spot was located, she couldn't hear a thing. Her legs seemed to be taking her to a destination she didn't quite know, and she daren't look back as to not risk losing the composure she seemed to have adopted. Out the corner of her eye she spotted a sign for the restroom and swiftly changed the direction her legs were taking her. As she goes to push open the heavy mahogany door it swings itself inwards causing her to stumble, nearly falling on to the elderly woman the other side of the door who must've opened it. "Oh I do apologise" offered the small silver haired woman. Carol pulled down her grey blazer that had risen in the mishap, "that's quite alright" she said as she held the door open the rest of the way so the other woman could pass. She glided into the room, past the wash basins and towards the back where a large mirror with a thick gold trim hung above a marble counter top. It looked like any other restroom of manhattans elitist social points - a sight of which carol was used to from all the times she would escape the boring repetitiveness of Harges business dinners she was obliged to attend.

She leaned against the counter top with her back to the mirror and arms crossed against her chests, her fingers reached to wrap around her ribs, almost embracing herself. Quite a submissive stance in comparison to how the woman usually holds herself. She turned to see her reflection as she took a deep breath, "how could I have been so stupid". She reached into the small black purse hanging off her wrist and pulled out a gold cased lipstick. She lifted the lid and glided the primary red wax across her full lips. As she habitually placed the case back in her purse she tried to ignore the knot in her stomach that seemed to get tighter and tighter as the seconds went by. She tried to ignore the heaviness is her chest that made her concentrate on regulating her breathing, and the niggling pressure behind her eyes that had began to cause a headache.

A droplet of water fell on to the back of her left hand between one of her knuckles as she clicked her purse shut. The unexpected sensation pulling her out of her trance of routine, she raised her left hand to graze across the underneath of her left eye only to find it wet. She rubbed the wetness between her finger and thumb until it disappeared, watching closely as she did it with her mouth slightly agape to suggest another trance like state - something she'd noticed herself slipping into quite regularly in recent months. As another droplet fell on the counter beneath her she sniffed and threw her head back and gazed at the cream ceiling, she blinked quickly and let out a breathy laugh in disbelief. She remained calm and walked herself around a corned to where the lavatories where discreetly tucked and into one of the spacious cubicles. She pulled a piece of tissue and began patting under her eyes silently. She had a pre arranged dinner in around an hour, and turning up with blood shot eyes and tear stained cheeks quite frankly was out of the question.

She excited the cubical and made her way to the mahogany door. Quick to remember the incident that occurred as she walked in, she decided to slowly and cautiously open the door fully before walking through. She made her way through the large lobby, ceasing to admire the grand scale of the rather impressive interior as she did and reached to doorman, whom she passed with a smile she's surprised she pulled off so well. The crisp moisture of the nighttime April air struck her as soon as she stepped outside. Although winter was well and truly over, New York was far from warm of an evening time. She hailed herself a cab - something the glamorous blonde never seemed to struggle with. "Where too miss?" Asked the cab driver in his overtly strong Brooklyn accent. "47th street, off of 5th please". The car pulled away and carol, again resisted the urge to look back and the place she just left. She resisted the urge to think of the person she had left within there also. She allowed herself to sink lower into the worn leather seat and placed her forehead in the palm of her right hand, with her elbow leant against the window of the cab door. The near neon lights of Manhattans night time reflected off her porcelain skin. If she were to see her self from an outside perspective, she wouldn't be able to recognise the broken silhouette. She felt the familiar ache behind her eyes again but was able to shake it off before anymore tears seeped out. The hope for the salvation of her happiness had been denied by a mere 10 minute exchange. All that surrounded her now was the remnants of her previous life left in taters. She was no longer a mother, a wife, or a lover. She was always more than the labels placed on her by others, but in her broken state of ruin she was struggling to see just how she was.

She light a cigarette and shook herself out of her thought process. The taxi pulled up at her request and she got out on the side of the pavement. She looked up at the building before her, and adopted that famed composure again. She clicked her heal and swapped her purse to the other wrist. She pouted her lips ever so slightly as she entered the building and began to walk up the large carpeted staircase. She approached the host and gave her surname, "right this way Mrs. Aird"


	2. Chapter 2

The cab door echoed as it slammed against the metal body of the car. Therese stepped on to the sidewalk with her hands in her pockets and looked up. Hanging out the window with a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other was the gracious host. "C'mon therese it's freezing! You just gonna stand there?" Therese chuckled at his brashness, and made her way up the four concrete steps and through the front door of the apartment complex. She ascended the two flights of wooden stairs - counting as she took each step in her head. She reached the open door of the apartment, made her way through the congested doorway, and began to remove her cream coat that had started to make her feel flushed. She felt two large arms wrap around her shoulders, trapping her from resisting as the perpetrator leant back so that both her feet went airborne. She muffled a squeal and was released with her feet landing pointed at different angles. She spun on her heels to find a rather disheveled looking Phil smiling with that same cigar between his teeth. "My favourite little day dreamer" he slurred as he in went for another embrace, but before he got the chance, jack appeared from behind him and laid his large hand on his shoulder. "Let's put her down buddy", he smiles as though to apologise to Therese for Phil's out of character behaviour and handed her a beer, "I have a feeling you're going to need this". 

Therese wandered towards the corner of the living room, her pointer finger absentmindedly circling the rim of her near empty beer bottle. It was her fourth, or fifth of the evening, and Therese had started to feel a bit fuzzy. She'd spent her time here ignoring the stories of men attempting to impress her, and she was growing irritable with the lack of varied company available. She leant against the wooden windowsill and kicked the corner of the large tasseled rug back and forth. She blew air into her cheeks and then exhaled. From the corner of her eye she saw a woman, around her height but heavier set approaching her hiding space. She had brown hair, slightly darker then Therese's and a kind, dopey face. She was pretty, not striking or head turning, but attractive. "Therese, right?". Therese saw a familiar glint in the woman's eyes, a similar one she saw in the eyes of the desperate men she'd spent the evening ignoring, but less primal. "Yes that's right", therese said as she returned to kicking the rug. "I'm Genevieve, Phil and Danny tell me you work at the New York Times". As Therese engaged in the conversation, she observed the way Genevieve watched her lips as she talked, how she studied Thereses fingers still circling the beer bottle, and how she searched in Thereses eyes, almost like she was looking for an answer to a question she hadn't yet asked. It reminded Therese of the way someone used looked at her, but instead of it making her breath hitch, it made her nauseous.

"Please excuse me...I have to use the bathroom". Therese began to manoeuvre herself through the crowded hallways of the surprisingly spacious apartment until she found the bathroom. She kicked out the man and woman having an intimate conversation sat on the edge of the bathtub and slammed and bolted the painted pine door behind them. She bent forward and covered her ears tightly with her hands until she could only hear her own heart beat. She sniffed as she watched the tears drop off the end of her defined nose and onto the tiled floor. She groaned and lifted herself upright. She moved herself towards the sink bassen opposite and rested her shaking hands on either side. She looked at herself through the dirty speckled mirror. She thought back to the few hours prior, where someone had expressed just how grown up she looked, just how much she blossomed in their time apart. Therese saw her age in her reflection, she saw her own naivety and her inexperience in her expression. She knew truly that no amount of lipstick, or blush or mascara would change that, and it was times like now that reminded her. 

She turned on the cold tap and cupped the water in her hand, she splashed her face and wished for a moment that it was enough to drown her. She patted herself dry using the hem of her top, and rested on the side of the bath. "It's safe here" she reminded herself as she resisted the urge to run. Here, in a party full of acquaintances she could lose herself, cocoon herself in a pit of invisibility, if she could only stop thinking. And where would she run to? To the arms of the woman who left her to live the remainder of her life a mere shell? To the woman who really showed her what it was like to have life, and how it felt to have it taken away? The woman who created a bitter knot in her being that made her change, made her grow in a way she didn't want to, who then complimented her own creation as if Therese had a choice? 

Therese crossed her arms and rubbed Each opposite elbow. She tried to forgot how it felt to be held by her. How it felt to have her breath below her ear, and how it felt to know she's the one, the only one making her eyes crinkle as she'd throw her head back and laugh. For months now, Therese created a new life alone - but the power of Carol's love was too strong to keep her resisting. Therese had never been stubborn, always flippant, weak and indecisive -but with this...she knew what she wanted. She knew who she wanted. She sniffed as she lifted her nose with the back of her hand, her feet began to move as rapidly as she felt her heart bounding against her chest. She grabbed her coat and left without goodbyes. She descended the stair case - not counting steps time and left the complex without looking back, even though she's sure she heard someone call after her. The crisp air made her eyes water as she began to walk to the next block to hail a cab. She made the effort to compose herself as the taxi driver spoke at her, but she kept on having to ask him to repeat what he was saying. "Sorry, what did you ask?", "where to again miss? The Oak branch?...Oak leaf, uhh Oak -", "The Oak Room. 47th street".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic, hope you enjoy it :) Any feedback welcomed!


	3. 3

Therese was sat centre in the back of the cab. Her left leg had began to tremble as she watched the passing lights, cars and buildings out of the large and slightly fogged windscreen. She patted the seat beside her until she felt her purse, not bothering to turn her head for a second to aid her search. She opened the clasp and pulled out her compact mirror, she saw her eyes had recovered from the bloodstained state they were in when she left Phil’s, and her cheeks were no longer flushed. She puffed out her chest and released a small sigh of relief before returning to watching the passing sights of Manhattan at night. “Oh, just here, it’s coming up just here”, she said slightly more abrupt than intended, but it seemed her anxieties had spoken for her. The cab slowed as she fumbled to gather her belongings whilst collecting the cash for the fare. “Keep the change” she said as she handed they money to cab driver. The driver smiled and tipped his hat at the petite brunette, “Enjoy your nigh-“, but Therese had already closed the cab door and taken her first step onto the curb before he even had the chance to finish his thanks and goodbyes. 

“Jesus”, she breathed to herself as she watched her destination getting closer and closer with each step. Her mind seemed to be processing a thousand thoughts per second, and an overwhelming feeling of uncomfortableness seemed to have nestled itself deep in the centre of her chest. The doorman held open the entrance door for her to pass through and she ascended the steps to the second floor. She manoeuvred herself past the small party of people giving the name for their reservation, and brushed off the Maitre d’s beckon after her by informing him she’s looking for a friend. She then found herself standing in room full of people sat, engrossed in pleasant conversation, and completely oblivious of her presence. She spent a second scanning every table as she wound her way through the ‘S’ shaped seating plan of the restaurants floor. The irritating hum of her chaotic thoughts seemed to have been replaced by the clatter of cutlery on plates, and her heartbeat had returned to drum itself against her ears. She passed the largest table of the room and paused. Tucked in the corner along the back wall was a small circular table sitting four; two women and two men. The men were wearing flannel suits, one in gray and one in brown - as if they had just come direct from their workplaces. One of the woman was in a brown blazer with black cat eye classes on a chain that hung off her nose, and the other woman...was her. 

Therese watched as the woman she’d sat across from no more than 3 hours ago switched her eyes from person to person as the conversation on the table flowed. Her full ruby lips pulled into a permanent smirk to imply what was being said must have been at least somewhat amusing. Therese took a few more steps forward and watched as the blonde in front of her finally noticed her presence. There they both stilled, holding eye contact like they were embracing from afar. Carol smiled, truly smiled, and this brought the attention of her accompanies as all three turned to see just what she was staring at. Therese felt flushed with the sudden onset of strangers eyes on her and began to walk again towards the table so she could hopefully sit down, and feel less like some sort of exposed animal. Carol arose from her seat and walked to meet Therese. “Therese, how nice of you to decide to join us” she said as they greeted each other like long time friends would - which Therese knew was for the benefit of those around them, and for the three that remained seated at carols table. As they both turned to walk to the table, carol placed her hand on Therese elbow squeezed, “I’m so glad you changed your mind darling, go on to the table and take my seat, I’ll get a waiter to bring another” she whispered to Therese, causing a shiver to run down her spine as she realised just how much she missed the feeling of her breath below her ear. 

Therese obeyed and sat herself in carols seat after introducing herself to the dining party and explaining where carol had gone to. “Therese? Therese belivet” asked the man in the brown suit to the left of her. He had a slight look of disbelief cast over his face, as if someone had told him a lifelong belief of his was a lie. “Yes that’s correct, Therese Belivet” she giggled with a smile in response to his gawking at her. “Have we met before?” She asked in hope to trigger an explanation of his reaction. The man leant back in his chair and removed his glasses whilst continuing to look at her, he realised at this point he was perhaps making her uncomfortable with his staring. “No, no we haven’t. Forgive me it’s just...obviously, carol...She’s spoken so highly of her friend ‘Therese’. I never thought I’d ever meet you, and the honour is mine” he finally said calmly as he extended his hand for Therese to take. “Well, I hope I don’t disappoint you then Mr?” “Haymes, Fred Haymes”. Before Therese could even begin to react to the realisation she was sitting amongst carols legal team, carol returned with chair in tow. She placed herself between Therese and the other woman who’s name Therese can’t remember, “now, are we all aquatinted or do I still have the task of introducing you all?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know it’s been a long while since I’ve added to this, however I intend to update a lot more regularly now! This is just a small chapter I wrote in around an hour, so it’s no masterpiece! However, I hope it’ll tide you over for the time being :) thank you for the comments!


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